Why You Don’t Eat Standing, Sitting or Dancing Onions

Let me begin by saying I am a raging idiot. I figured, what the hell, a little polish sausage from Costco won’t kill me. Toss in a few onions and some mustard, mmm mmm good. We had to be at the house at 8am for the furnace and plumbing guys to come check the horrifying inspection report we’d gotten on the house. I thought a second about the polish sausage…Listeria. It was cooked thoroughly, so I got over it and scarfed the sucker down.

6am comes. I wake up nauseous beyond belief. I take my thyroid pill and pray that I can go back to sleep for an hour before I need to yakk. No such luck. I surpressed until 6:35. I’m proud of that, I’ve never felt so sick in my life. I prayed to the porcelain god for over an hour, all the time with nothing in my stomach. If you’ve read my symptom updates, you’ve read that I have had the unfortunate experience of letting bladder loose everytime I vomit. Well, this time, I lost control of ALL bodily functions. Again, I have never been so sick in my life.

7:15am - We head out of the house. I feel horrible. I try eating a blueberry muffin to avoid a repeat of the empty belly, flourescent yellow, painful yakk of the morning. Eric’s trying to drive carefully so I don’t eject myself out of the roof of the car. I surpresseed for 25 minutes. Again, I am proud. Eric then hit the brakes on the highway. You can guess what happened next.

We get to the house around 8 and I managed to get through the whole rest of the day without throwing up. I even went out to eat, and got a bite and a half down. We returned home and I couldn’t stop shivering. I was freezing cold. I had no fever but I certainly felt like I had one. I kept trying to eat a muffin, things that would keep me from empty belly pukes and surpressed until 1am. Then it came, harder than ever before. I have never been so sick in my life, this life, past lives or any future ones. To top it off, I bled a little and it scared the hell out of me.

It ended around 4. I finally got to sleep and, upon waking, scared the hell out of myself reading what food poisoning can do to pregnancies. I called the doctor at 2 and her nurse said, “You’re fine. If it’s over with, you’re just fine. Don’t worry about it.”

So, I’m trying not to worry about it. Even though I’m now convinced my child will be born 3 months early and have some horrible mutation because my idiot self decided to eat Costco onions that had probably been sitting out for weeks on end. I am an idiot.

This Week in Pregnancy - Week 9

According to Babycenter:

Your new resident is nearly an inch long — barely the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce, but he’s poised for rapid weight gain now that his basic physical structure is in place. He’s also starting to look more and more human. His embryonic “tail” is now completely gone and his body parts — including organs, muscles, and nerves — are kicking into gear.

His eyelids are fused shut and won’t open until 27 weeks. He has earlobes, and by week’s end, the inner workings of his ears will be complete. His upper lip is fully formed, too, and his mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The tips of his fingers are slightly enlarged where his touch pads are developing. All major joints — his shoulders, elbows, wrists, knees, and ankles — are working, enabling your baby to move his limbs. As for his heart, it has divided into four chambers now, and the valves have started to develop. External sex organs are there, but won’t be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks.

Symptom Check-in - Week 8

This week hasn’t been the worst. It was actually pretty dealable. I think I yakked once the whole week. It was great. You know you’re pregnant when your idea of an awesome day is one you spend disgustingly nauseous, but not throwing up.

This Week in Pregnancy - Week 8

According to Babycenter:

Your baby is now 5/8 of an inch long, about the size of a kidney bean. She’s constantly moving and shifting, although you won’t be able to feel these womb wiggles for several weeks yet. Her embryonic tail is disappearing, and her eyelids practically cover her eyes. Still slightly webbed, her fingers and toes are growing longer. Her arms have lengthened, too, and her hands are now flexed at the wrist and meet over her heart. Her knee joints have formed, and her feet may be long enough to meet in front of her body. With her trunk straightening out, her head is more erect. Breathing tubes extend from her throat to the branches of her developing lungs. The nerve cells in her brain are also branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. Though you may be daydreaming about your baby as one gender or another, the external genitals still haven’t developed enough to reveal whether you’re having a boy or a girl.

Symptom Check-in - Week 7

Symptom Check-in - Week 6

This week has been the worst, thus far. Just the thought of things can make me nauseous. In fact, we were in the car on Thursday and I’d just imagined licking a lemon. My face suddenly self-contorted into the sour face, as if I really had just licked it. I was once able to watch the most disgusting of horror scenes in movies. Now, they make me nauseous. I was also once able to watch baby wipe commercials without sobbing like an infant, no longer! It really makes you feel like you’re going insane. I can’t imagine lasting another 5 weeks (or, God forbid, more) feeling like this.

Heartbeat

Yesterday, I got my blood results back. They were all normal, except that my TSH level went nutso on me. She upped my levothyroxine an additional 50%. I mentioned that I’d went and scared myself reading about hypothyroid and pregnancy. “Yeah, it can cause mental retardation,” she said. “But you’re being treated. So you’ll be fine.” My doctor rocks. She’s honest, and makes me feel better.

Yesterday was also our first ultrasound. I’m still in shock.

I went in fully expecting to see nothing but a lentil and a yolk sack. The tech was wonderful and decided to do a transvaginal ultrasound when I told him I thought I was 6 weeks. Within 2 minutes of the dildo-cam getting settled, we saw the lentil and yolk sack. Within 2.5, we saw a small flashing dot on the screen. The kid had heartbeat! A HEARTBEAT! Then we heard it…I nearly cried.

6.5mm, 130bpm, 6 weeks and 1 day, due 7/1/2007.

I’m still nervous about telling my family. I know I’m not going to get the jump up and down, joyous reaction I wish I could. Still, the minute Eric walked into the exam room after the ultrasound he said, “It doesn’t matter what either of our families say. They could yell at us, they could tell us we had to have an abortion. It doesn’t matter. It has a hearbeat…” It’s ours to take care of now, and it’s much bigger than whatever opinions anyone else has.

This is amazing.

Symptom Check-in - Week 5?

Oh the joy, the joy! Tuesday is our dating ultrasound, so the question marks on weeks will disappear and the symptom posts will be more regular.

Beginning with my last check-ins symptoms, followed by new stuff!

• Acid reflux
• Lightheadedness
• Getting breathless going up the stairs
• Backache
• Very nearly Puking…no longer very nearly.
• Having a severe aversion to the smell of cooking beef. Could it smell any worse?!?
• Feeling as if I have the flu, complete with sneezing, runny nose and sore throat.
• Consitpation still exists but is on a timetable. I’m constipated for three days, then have diarrhea. Lovely.
• Constant thirst leading to…
• Half my day spent peeing or needing to pee
• Bloating, like on a period only much, much worse.
• Gas! Oh my Lord, the gas….
• Being so dead tired I’m already ready to go to bed and I only awoke 4.5 hours ago.
• Morning sickness….morning freaking sickness.

I’m convinced they call in morning sickness because it starts at 12:01am and ends and 12:00:59am. The nausea never ends. The only way to keep it at bay is by eating, constantly. Anyone who tells you saltines work, is lying. THEY’RE LYING! They only make you more nauseous, more thirsty, and, therefore, having to pee more often. Bananas, however, do work. I’m eating about 4 a day. They have a high level of B6 in them, which is what I’m convinced is keeping everything at bay. I also tried taking a B6 when waking up this morning, and today’s been a really good day. So, I’m hoping I found another weapon in the fight against Morning-noon-afternoon-evening-night sickness. I’m not sure I can put up with another 7 weeks of this, and that’s only if things go well. Otherwise, I may be feeling this way the next 7.5 months. You can knock me out if that happens.

Actually, you can knock me out starting now. Really, go for it….I’ll pay you….

Losing Blood and Belly

Wednesday was my first full day of morning sickness. It NEVER went away. The nausea was under the surface no matter what I did. It didn’t help that we were off looking for houses and the realtor drove a little crazy. I had to stop and get saltines or I would’ve yakked all over the backseat of his rental van. I also developed a strange heart palpitation at night, that we thought was thanks to all the cheese I’d eaten - I’m lactose intolerant.

Thursday, I woke up more nauseated than I’ve ever been. We still made it to my appointment, but an half an hour late, because I’d written it down as 10 instead of 9:30. They were very sweet, however, because my doctor is just really sweet and so is every single member of her staff.

Eric came in with me, and barely batted an eyelash when he saw me lay my pee on the counter. Want to get your man used to seeing your pee sitting on tabletops? Use Dollar Store pregnancy tests! They took my blood pressure, and my usual “blood pressure of the dead” is elevated - already listed on the “Things to be Grounded for” list. The nurse laughed at our amount of home testing, and then said, “well, you’re definitely pregnant.” That was a little surreal.

My wonderful doctor came in and congratulated us. That was weird! I sound so immature, I am..I’m a baby. What am I doing having a kid? I’m an only child! I won’t be the baby anymore! People will expect me to be responsible. I can’t handle this!

…..Sorry. Fetal position crying session over…

She went over a million questions about history, discussed the blood tests I’d need, and handed the blood work paperwork over to Eric. She left and let me dress in a CLOTH butt showing gown. Eric held my clothing while she did the whole specuulum thing.
“A little uncomfortable…ow…there, Eric?”
“No, I’m just worried about the whole blood thing.”
“There’s no blood right now…” I knew he meant the blood work to be done later in the afternoon.
The doctor responded with, “Not for a few more months! Then it’s all over!” His eyes got about 2 feet tall.

We talked about hospitals and natural birth, which she completely supported and seemed almost excited for me about. She said I should look at out of network hospital costs and suggested a hospital that heavily supported epidural-free birth. I really love my doctor. She also said my heart palpitations were thanks to my levothyroxine. I need my dose upped.

As we left, they handed us a heavy bag full of Enfamil, Similac, prenatals, paperwork and magazines. That was the moment it hit me. A baby was coming…and it was coming home with me…What the hell am I doing raising a kid?! I can’t….wait, we’ve already been through this…

We went down and got bloodwork from the BEST tech that ever existed. She got 5 vials out of me without anything more than the first prick. She didn’t move the needle once. Eric even watched and didn’t pass out. Her name was Wendy, and she will be drawing my blood from now on or I won’t go!

I have my first ultrasound on Tuesday that will tell me how far along I am. I’ll also get my bloodwork results then. I’m completely excited, and nervous…and what the HELL am I going to do with a kid?!

We went to eat afterwards, and I got about half of my salad down before I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I walked as quickly as I could to the bathroom, and managed to walk in right behind a woman with her daughter. I thought, “Okay, I’ll just hold it in. I’ll pee first, wait till they leave, then puke.” Who ever thought you couldn’t convince your body to not throw up when it wants to? I had barely locked the door when….bluaghhhhhhh. The poor woman kept telling her daughter to hurry up with every horrible vomit noise I would make — which are impossible to stifle, by the way! I wanted to run out and scream, “I swear, I’m not bulimic and I’m not going to get your child sick! I’m pregnant! It’s not my fault!” I felt awful.

However, I’ve learned that eating all day will keep you from puking. A piece of toast, a banana an hour later, maybe some oatmeal in another hour, it keeps everything from coming up. If you wait to eat, though, until you begin to feel nauseas, you will puke and it will not be pretty…but you will feel better. So what does one do? Get fat or puke all the time? Me? I’m going the fat route!

We bid on a house. It’s adorable, and my parents didn’t freak out nearly as much as I thought they would. Still, the house is just yet another thing for me to stress about and I’m simultaneously scared to death that we’ll get it, and that we won’t. Sometimes I feel in way too far over my head. Other times, I’m completely calm and happy about the choices we’ve made. I’m not sure how to deal with any of this right now. It’s all overload. I know I can handle it, because I have to. It’s just really scary. Really, really, really scary.

Big Mouth Betty Can’t Keep Her Trap Shut

I’ve never been one who couldn’t keep a secret. Just ask **** from the 3rd grade, she told me she liked ***** and wanted to kiss him. He still has no clue. It goes into the vault, as long as it’s not a secret of my own.

The longest I’ve lasted with a secret of my own has been 2 weeks. I spent each day of that two weeks not sleeping, wanting to call people and hinting every chance I got. “Oh, you like WHAM? Getting a better job is great, isn’t it?” I’m really just not good at keeping my mouth shut when I’m excited about something.

That said, we decided to try to last until Friday to tell our close friends. That way we have positive confirmation by the doctor before we go blabbering everywhere. Ideally, we would’ve waited until we were 12 weeks along. That’s like asking me to stop breathing for 12 weeks, and we all know that’s not going to happen. So a 2 week gag order seemed doable.

Apparently, we have less self control than we thought we did.  First, it was just 2 people. Mine was by accident, I had to tell her because I couldn’t tell Eric right that moment. He was playing chess with my dad. So I told one of my closest friends. Eric, then, had a free pass to tell one person and told his sister. We decided that would be it.

Yesterday, we went to see a 9-11 Truth lecture in Boulder. A co-worker/friend of Eric’s came along. We got 20 feet away from the car when Eric says, “Should we tell him the good news?” That phrase bothered me, for some reason, so I said something that bothered me even more, “Apparently, I’m with child.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. It’s much stranger telling people in person than I thought. I felt almost embarrassed or ashamed. Like I was just admitting to a perfect stranger that I have sex. It was incredibly uncomfortable.

He asked, “Did you test or…” Eric responded with, “No, we go in…” I finished, “Thursday.” This left the poor man thinking we were just guessing that I was pregnant out of no where. About 10 minutes later, he asks, “So, do you have any symptoms? Why do you think…” I had to explain that I’d taken about 6 home pregnancy tests, and you could see his ‘these people are nuts’ face disappear. He was very sweet and said if we needed anything, he has tons of baby stuff - he has twins.

So, I’m trying very hard not to tell my friends until Friday, but I’m having a harder and harder time. I keep wanting to drop hints, or “let it slip.” My family won’t know until 12 weeks, period. That’s a whole other story. My friends, though, that’s going to be much harder.