The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy
I got a whole load of books on Thursday from Amazon and eBay. Including “The Pregnancy Book”, “The Birth Book”, “The Baby Book”, & “The Breastfeeing Book” by the Sears clan. Also, “The BabyCenter Essential Guide to Pregnancy and Birth”, “Baby 411″, and “The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy.” I decided to dive into the latter first. So on Friday I began “The Girlfriends Guide,” and finished it an hour ago.
Halfway through the first chapter, I began to notice a slight tinge of “I can’t stand this woman” entering my brain. Everything felt very snide. By the end of the third chapter, I knew I hated her. She equates being overweight with being ugly, makes it very clear your husband will NEVER find you attractive again, and acts as if pregnant women are the most disgusting looking women on earth, we are lucky people look at us without retching.
The first 11.5 chapters are an entire waste of time, they’re all about how fat and disgusting you will get - I say 11.5 because, somewhere in the 12th chapter, she almost begins to sound human and starts lending out useful “girlfriend” information. I can sum up the first chapters for you, so as to save you the time and energy. “Oh my God, like, you’re going to get so fat! You’re going to be so gross! You’re going to waddle and look disgusting! Your entire pregnancy should be focused on how you’re going to get rid of the fatness when you have the baby. Never forget, your husband thinks you’re disgusting, don’t even try to have sex with him. In fact, everyone thinks you’re disgusting…and you are! You’re fat and ugly!”
After that, the last few chapters are actually worth the read. She obsesses less about how ugly and fat we all are, and gives more usefull information. Information you want to hear, in a clear, concise, and oddly warm manner. The last few chapters were worth reading to the end, the first 11 just made me self-conscious, angry and annoyed. Maybe it’s hormones, but I doubt it. If any “girlfriend” ever spoke to me the way this woman speaks to her audience in this book, I would never call her a friend again. In fact, I might go so far as to banish her from ever entering within 50 feet of my big, fat, pregnant ass, for fear of wanting to take her head of with my big, fat, cellulite covered thigh.
Of course, you can’t really take this woman too seriously. I mean, for being so self absorbed, she recommends wearing stirrup leggings with boots to “cover your fat ankles.” I don’t care how fat my ankles are, there’s nothing on God’s green earth that could ever make me wear stirrup leggings, nevertheless with boots. Yikes!
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