Hoof & Mouth
On Monday at 3am, I was awakened by an extremely hot baby hollering at the window fan. He and I were up until 6 - chatting, pointing at the fan, nursing (him, not me). He was a happy camper, just a hot, happy camper.
By Monday evening, his temp hit nearly 103 and I.freaked.out because that is what I do when I see a number above 100 on the thermometer. I called an advice nurse and made an appointment for Wednesday morning. She, very sweetly, said, “You can always cancel the appointment, even 5 minutes beforehand if he’s doing better. Tonight, you can call the after hours line if there is a crisis…uh..I mean…oh! I’m sorry! I just mean…” It’s okay, I understand. She means if his temperature goes up one more iota, I can call the after hours number and freak out on the nurse who will remind me that, “we don’t worry until it hits 4 billion.” Then I can curse to my husband and cry to my mom that no one takes my baby’s brain boiling out of his head seriously.
The Tuesday appointment was like watching a detective work. He had a fever, that we knew. Could it be his belly? Maybe his head? Was it the snake I let him touch at the aquarium? Maybe the anti-bacterial hand wash I used afterwards? Earache? This is going to be so much easier when he can talk.
She began with mildly annoying him by attempting to look in his ears which was nearly impossible since he has full control over flipping his head side to side when anyone tries to touch his ears. She ended with, “let me look at his mouth…there’s an illness that can cause ulcers on the gums and throat.” which was quite a bit easier since his mouth had taken over his entire face with the amount of screaming his was doing. Because, how dare she look in his mouth. May as well have ripped off his leg and eaten it in front of him because that is the exact.same.thing.
“Ah, yep. Have you ever heard of hand, foot and mouth?” Yes. Yes, I have. My friends’ babies have had a sudden outbreak of it this month. Somehow, they managed to transmit the disease to my child through the internets…all three of them.
I call mom to tell her he has hand, foot and mouth. “Oh, you’re such a bad liar. You’re such a liar.” Apparently, she first thought I made up the name because I really am that creative. Then she thought I meant the cow disease. My dad’s response, “Oh Jesus! What the HELL is that?!” Nice to know my baby is helping me carry on my goal of continuously horrifying my parents.
He’s feeling quite a bit better. Although, he’s still cranky and doesn’t want anything to do with anyone but mommy the boobs. I knew he was feeling better the moment he woke me by standing up straight in bed, pointing to the fan and screaming, at the top of his lungs, “DAAAAAAAAAAAAATS!” At 5:30am.
