Benjaroo Jan 30th, 2008

Originally uploaded by jessiscubed

14lbs
25 5/8th inches

Ben’s second Teddy visit went wonderfully well. We had an amazing nurse and we got them to take the blood from his foot instead of vein this time. He nursed while she poked him. She kept saying, “He’s going to get mad when I do this…” He didn’t even notice. He bit me twice, though, because she wouldn’t let go of his foot. Those two little teeth are sharp!

So, I’m tired and this picture is adorable. I’m hoping it’ll suffice and make up for an extremely lackluster post.

This morning, I finally got Ben to repeat, “Mamamamama.” Everytime he did, I’d clap and hug him. He’d grin and repeat himself.

Later, I let him go a little too long before putting him down for his nap. He started crying the cry that makes me want to cuddle him for the rest of his life so nothing bad can ever happen. In the midst of this cry what came streaming out but, “Mamaaaaa! Mamaaaaa!” It was heart wrenching.

Eric said he didn’t know what he was saying. He may not have. My thought is that he knew saying it earlier made me grab him and hug him right away. He thought it might work again this time. Either way, if I get out of this whole mommyhood thing alive, without my heart being ripped in two, I’ll be really lucky.

Because I’d rather post a blog about how I hate working right now.

While it’s wonderful that I’m bringing in the extra money we need as a family, it sucks.
While I think it’s great that I get to dust off my old coding skills and whip out my own content management system (woohoo!), it sucks.
While I do actually throroughly enjoy actually having something to do when sitting in front of my computer, it sucks.

I understand that I’m incredibly lucky, I get to work from home doing something I’m good at and that I somewhat enjoy. Something that, at one point, would suck up my entire universe and would make me terribly giddy. Now? Well, now it just seems like “more shit to do that keeps me away from my little boy”. I’m much better at being a mom than being a coder and I enjoy it a lot more.

Eric’s been wonderful. When I’m about ready to rip my hair out because my (handcoded..ahem ahem) event calendar isn’t working for God knows what reason, he debugs my code for me even though he’s never worked on PHP before. He holds onto the child as I work. I get him for naps and feeding, the rest of the time Eric keeps him entertained. Am I selfish because I’d rather he be with me?

“Why can’t he be?” you ask. “You’re just typing. Can’t he sit in your lap?”

Well, nosey, he could, except that I spend 4x the amount of time fixing his random typing in my code than I do actually coding. I’ve thought of it, I’ve tried it, it didn’t work out. If we didn’t need the money, I probably wouldn’t be doing it.

So, I’m avoiding work right now and spending a little time with my little boy, fixing his jabberings and letting him rip all the arrows off of my keyboard. He’s going to be ten key typing by 1 year. I’ll bet you.

I’m late. I’m always late.

Today, WhyMommy is having a double mastectomy. She’s an amazing woman battling inflammatory breast cancer. She has twitter updating on the right bar of her website. Check in and keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

It started a month ago with a little bump on the bottom left front tooth area of the gum, followed by another about 1/8th of an inch away from it. Then, there were little white tips and we thought, “Any day now!” 2.5 weeks and a very, very horrible night later, Ben awakens me with his usual “Eh!” while trying to rip my lips off. He shoves my knuckle in his mouth and, while trying to shake it viciously in an attempt to break it’s neck, I feel something rough and sharp that wasn’t there before. After fighting for 10 minutes for him to stop laughing and covering his gum with his tongue when I pull down his bottom lip, I see it. A TOOFER! THE CHILD HAS A FULLY ERUPTED TOOFER!