Ben’s first TEDDY visit was today and, let me say, it was as horrifying as expected and more.

It started unassumingly enough. We waited in a child’s playroom/waiting room on mini-chairs. We spoke to another set of parents. We were ushered into an “Infant Examination Room” by a nice woman who spent an hour explaining our consent form. We then went over the surveys we’d already filled out….

{{Here we take a break because Ben has pooed and we must collect the sample to mail to NIDDK}}

The survey filling out was followed by an explanation of our billion page book where we write his food, his stressors, his shots, his everything. Then an explanation of how to fill our 3 day diet record sheet. Then an explanation on how to collect the aforementioned poo in a plastic rigatoni shaped collector and send it off to the aforementioned NIDDK.

And then came the horrifying part. Her promises of only taking a half of a teaspoon of blood were lies. Everything she said was a horrible lie.

They laid him on a table and tied off his arms, “Ooh, you have a good one here.” Lovely. They gave me a little bowl of sugar water, “This is what they used at his circ to distract him…”
“Uh, we didn’t have him circ’d because we didn’t want to hurt him.”
“…Oh….Well, just dip his binky in this and he won’t even notice. It usually just bothers them that they’re being held down.”
Here she brandishes a large needle. I get nervous and want to take him away. But I don’t because I’m apparently evil.
So I dip the binky and shove it in his mouth right as they stick him with the needle.

SCREEEEEEECH!!

Can I just say, BULLSHIT THEY DON’T FEEL IT! That screech had nothing to do with holding him down. And it didn’t stop until well after they took the needle out, despite the sugar water. Add to it that the blood “Just wasn’t coming fast enough” so the wiggled it around. Another SCREECH when they removed the needle and then sobbing afterwards.

It was horrifying and made me feel like a jerk. I know it’s all for his own good, and he was fine within a few minutes of leaving, but still, he’s a baby and that is a horrible thing to do to a baby. Their blood shouldn’t come out! That’s why the body has so many things working to keep it in!

My only regret is that I didn’t deck her afterwards. I think it would’ve made both he and I feel better.