To Do List of Death
Okay, so maybe that’s overdoing it a little. It’s the “To Do List Before Your Vagina is Ripped in Twain”. Either way, the sucker has been dramatically cut down as of yesterday. I hate to brag but, seriously, my current feelings of awesomeness know no bounds.
All baby laundry washed in non-baby-harming detergent
All nightwear and onesies for up to 6 months put away in drawers All outfits up to six months hung in closet on hangers marked with correct sizes All clothing over 6 months in sealed bags on shelf - separated by size, nightwear vs clothing, pants vs tops, etc Room painted, dried and nearly outgassed Crib that will more than likely never be used assembled Bedding for crib that will more than likely never be used installed Cloth diapers for up to 30lbs ordered and are set to arrive Monday (As a side note, I should be hired to find deals for people - The cheapest package I found was $170 + $12 shipping. I got everything in that package from the same place + doublers, snappis and cirtrus circles for $150 INCLUDING shipping. I am the cheapy momma mastah!) Back up newborn disposible diapers purchased and in closet Diaper bag with going home outfits (in case he’s bigger than we think, I packed 2), receiving blankets, and "just in case we break down on the way home and he poos all over himself" disposible diapers packed — Wipes still needed Hospital bag still 90% packed Nursing gowns so as to avoid horrifying my mother when I pop out the boobie at the hospital ordered and set to arrive Monday Swing and bouncer purchased and set up Carseat purchased although not yet installedSo I made a deal with him. He’s allowed to come on any one of 3 days this month if he deems it necessary and I will not flog him. 6/10, 6/19 or 6/28. Otherwise, he’s more than welcome anytime beginning 7/1. Well, anytime except 7/4 because I refuse to spend every single birthday at a park watching fireworks with only 1/3 of his friends because they all already had plans for the 4th of July. 7/6 is another no-no day, but there’s only a ridiculous numerological reason behind it so I’ll spare you the details and let you think it’s just because I’m a “crazy hippy.”
Should he decide to come on any of the “not allowed” days, he will be forcibly shoved back in and grounded to the womb until 7/7. The one time where using, “This’ll hurt me more than it will you,” may actually be true.
Filed under Uncategorized | Comments (4)And Here is Where You Hyperventilate
Last week we went on our hospital tour. I thought it was a good idea to get to know where we should be before I go into labor so Eric doesn’t have to try to follow signs with me flailing wildly and screaming at him about how much it hurts. The hospital is not only beautiful (which we already knew from my grandpa’s heart attack) but also, apparently, has one of the best labor and delivery units in the country.
Our tour leader was a slightly up-tight blonde woman in very pointy shoes. She’s a childbirth educator. She’s also, probably, some form of robot. She began with showing us where we’d come in, “This is where you park. You can only park here for 2 hours.” Followed by, “This is triage. This is where you go to find out if you’re in labor or not.” Then round about and up some elevators to L&D admissions. Here is where they explained how secure the ward was. That you had to be either in labor or proving who you’re visiting to even get through the super-secure, locked doors. Here is also where Eric bit his tongue and didn’t mention how, the last time we were there to do pre-admissions, the pre-admissions woman just let some random man looking for the cafeteria go through those super-secure, locked doors with no more than a, “Yeah, down the hall, take the elevators at the end of the hall.” You know, the end of the hall that has all the unlocked doors with women having babies and whatnot.
So, past the not-so-super-secure, locked doors we went. “Here is secondary triage.” I’m not sure whether they’re way over-estimating the amount of women who plan to come at one time to give birth (flash mob L&D triage, maybe?) or maybe secondary triage doesn’t trust primary triage and feels they need to double check their work. Either way, there are two separate places where I could be told (like my poor mother), “You’re not in labor, yet. Go home. Drink a bottle of wine. Take a bath.”
Next, “Here is one of the operating rooms. Here is the other. Here is where you get water and ice chips. Here is where your husband gets to keep the food he’ll get to eat in front of you, while you are offered 7-up even though you’ve been in labor for the past 22 hours, have had nothing to eat all day and are expected to do marathon pushing like a champ to get this child out of you. And right around this corner is the L&D room.”
The room is beautiful, nicer than most hotel rooms I’ve been in and at least 3x the size. There are imprinted leaves for focus points on the ceiling, all the scary medical stuff is tucked and hidden in beautiful wood cabinetry, there’s a jacuzzi in the bathroom and a really comfy couch in the corner. There is also me, standing in the corner, trying my best not to hyperventilate. It started getting hot because we had to close the door. This is when she shows us the squat bar and the ”break away” bottom of the bed, explaining, “This breaks away because your doctor will get right up in there.” Here is where I get a little dizzy and break open my water for the first time. Nothing says, “You’re about to give birth to a child” like a break away bed.
The rest of the tour is a bit of a blur. “We don’t have a well baby nursery, we have an amazing NICU, we have wifi in all delivery and post-partum rooms (yup, Andria, I will be trying my best to keep this updated while in the hospital - expect something like, “IT HURTS! SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP!”), your family has to come in that way and they’re not allowed to go in there. Use this sign if you want privacy, this sign if you want visitors, this sign if you don’t want men around, this sign if you’d like a margarita and some morphine.” I plan to take full advantage of the latter.
It’s getting *way* too close. 28 days. A mommy on a board I frequent was due a week or two after me and just gave birth last week to an incredibly beautiful baby girl. (Congratulations, Becky!) As much as it made my heart flop and flip and wish for my baby Ben to be here, too, it also made my heart flop and flip and realize how completely unprepared I am. (Although, I did get my hospital bag about 90% packed the night we got home from the tour.) I think I may need that last sign now…
Filed under 3rd Trimester, hospital, pregnancy | Comments (7)This Week in Pregnancy - Week 36
Your baby is still putting on the pounds — about an ounce a day. She now weighs almost 6 pounds and is a little less than 19 inches long. She’s shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the creamy substance that covered and protected her skin during its submersion in amniotic fluid. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, which will stay in her bowels until birth. This blackish mixture, called meconium, will become her first bowel movement.
At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Babies between 37 and 42 weeks are considered full-term; a baby born before 37 weeks is pre-term and after 42 is post-term.) Most likely she’s in a head-down position by now, which is optimal for a smooth delivery, but if she isn’t in the next week, your provider may suggest scheduling an “external cephalic version,” which is a fancy way of saying she’ll try to coax your baby into a head-down position manually, by manipulating her from the outside of your belly.
Filed under 3rd Trimester, pregnancy | Comment (0)
