Symptom Check-in - Week 26

I haven’t done one of these in a while. I was nearly getting comfortable in pregnancy…that’s going away.

• Evil leg cramps in the middle of the night. Point and flex! POINT AND FLEX!
• Back pain like I carried a fridge up 2 flights of stairs.
• On occasion, that back pain carries from my lower back, down my butt cheek and my thigh.
• Random, sharp pains in my side if I rollover too quickly.
• Waddling. WADDLING!!!
• Rice Krispies joints. Snap crackle pop whenever I move. Especially in my hips.
• Gingivitis like mad.
• Sore, sore feet that have grown about half a size and are now considered Ws.
• Leaking boobs. TMI? TOO BAD!
• VIOLENT mood swings. When I get mad, I get REALLY mad. When I get sad, I never want to move again.
• Depression, meh.
• Having to pee every 10-15 minutes. I get in a good 20, if I’m lucky, but then he starts to dance on my bladder, which is way less fun than it sounds.
• Gas…lots and lots of gas.

GET OFF MY HEAD!

My kid doesn’t move too much. He, like Gail’s Doogal, is the quiet type. Of course, this scares the living shit out of me. I’m convinced he’s either autistic or on the edge of dying at all times. Maybe all that belly laying smooshed his soft spot and, therefore, his brain. Or maybe I played the music too loud and made him deaf, so that’s why he doesn’t move ”enough” when we play music for him. It’s all ridiculous, but this is what pregnancy is. Scaring the shit out of you for no good reason.

The times when he is moving consistently, I call Eric over, “Put your hand here.” He does. Ben stops moving. I swear he does it just to make Eric think I’m insane. This kid’s already a trouble maker.

I have figured out a way to get a couple of little bumps out of him. He HATES when I put anything on my “belly shelf” - you know, the top part of the belly convenient for sitting food, drink, books, etc. - so he smacks at it. If he’s still in breech (which I’m sure he is because all the rough kicks are at my bladder still), then I’d be laying these things right on his head. That makes Ben a very angry boy, but at least I get a couple of thumps feel-able from the outside world.

What a great mom I am, right? Piss off the kid just because I need validation. Yeah, he’s not going to need therapy AT ALL.

Travel Systems and Boosters and Pumps, Oh My!

Why must there be so many options for ONE THING?  Why has no one published a paper called, “The Crap New Parents Do Not Need, and the Crap They Do.”

Do I really need a travel system and a convertible car seat if I’m planning on carrying the kid around in a sling anyway? Can’t I just buy one of those $10 umbrella strollers instead of one of those $200, 200lbs stroller-the-size-of-a-car? Wait, no, I have to have the stroller-the-size-of-a-car because the umbrella ones don’t lay down, and babies must lay down. I’m not kidding. They really must.

What’s the point of any infant carrier, anyway, if I’m supposed to register for a convertible car seat, too? To be able to carry the kid around in it’s matching stroller and have it laying down, right? Then why does the stoller in the travel system lay down? Why must I attach an infant carrier to it instead of just using the lay down feature in the stroller and placing the kid in the convertible car seat when he must be transported? Why should I spend more for an extra infant carrier when I can only use it for a few months and it’s not necessary for proper infant stroller use? Why can’t I just buy the stroller-the-size-of-a-car and the convertible car seat and skip the travel system all together? If it’s the wrong choice, baby doesn’t lay down right, no blood gets to his head, tragic death.

Booster seats vs high chairs. WTF?! Why do we even have a choice? They both do the same thing. Just point one or the other out to me and let me buy it. I don’t need or want both. Do you think my house is the size of a small mall or what? Why do you expect that I should have to choose between the two? THEY BOTH DO THE SAME THING! I can’t make these kind of decisions, I’m pregnant. They should already be made for me. Wrong choice? Baby tips over, hits head, tragic death.

Why are there so many types of cloth diapers? Do there REALLY need to be that many? I see two that are necessary. Regular old diapers and AIO’s. What’s the point of the others? Just to drive me insane? That’s it, isn’t it? You people get off on driving pregnant women insane. WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Don’t pick the right one? Baby gets diaper rash, horrible infection, tragic death.

Pack n Play vs Bassinet. We’ll probably be co-sleeping most of the time, but we’re going to eventually move the kid into his own room, which will probably require baby in own bed in our room at first. So what do we do? Pack n Play’s bassinet only holds up to 15lbs. An actual bassinet? Up to 20. With either, we’ll eventually need a crib, either way. Pick the wrong one? Baby falls through on his face, horrible nose bleed, tragic death.

And for style. Do we get the Classic Pooh everything and hope we still like it when we have our next? Do we go all gender nuetral and hope everything’s still in good condition for the next? Do we just throw the kid in the closet and hope it learns to fend for itself because, no matter what choice we make, it’ll be wrong? And, yup, that’s right, end tragic baby death.

This Week in Pregnancy - Week 26

Your baby now weighs a little under 2 pounds and measures about 14 inches, from head to heel. The nerve pathways in her ears are developing, which means her response to sounds is growing more consistent. Her lungs are developing now, too, as she continues to take small breaths of amniotic fluid — good practice for when she’s born and takes that first breath of air. If you’re having a boy, his testicles are beginning to descend into his scrotum — a trip that will take about two to three days.

What’d the Pregnant Lady Say to the Popsicle Stick?

I’m depressed.

Not funny, is it? Laugh anyway, or I may sob uncontrollably for a few hours.

I’ve always had a little problem with depression, but it hasn’t been a consistent depression until recently. The hormones make me insane. Some days, I feel great. I wouldn’t say top of the world, but good enough. Any day I don’t feel like ramming my head repeatedly into a wall is a good day. Ante-partum depression, I think it’s called.

Last week I cried because Eric was grumpy, I was grumpy, dad was grumpy, and I was confronted with the super hard task of “how do I manage to do the exact same thing I do every day?” I didn’t just cry. I locked myself in the bathroom, sat on the floor and cried for an hour. Then later, I sat outside in the middle of the night and cried some more.

My days go up and down. I feel like there’s a million and one things to do and I am incapable of doing them. I can’t muster up the energy or motivation to save my life. I feel like I’m completely worthless when it comes to contributing to our home. I feel like Eric always has to take care of me and that he’s got to be sick of it. I’m always feeling insecure, alone and incapable. Most of the time, I find a way to ignore it but some days…

I’ve read that ante-partum depression is a pretty great indicator of possible post-partum depression after the baby comes. Now there’s something to look forward to.

Tis I, Benjamin, The King of Sciatica!

Dearest Momma,
You and I have known one another for quite some time now, so I will not sugar coat things. I have tried my best to gently remind you that I am the boss here. I understand it’s a tough transition to make but this is getting ridiculous.

First, a list of demands:
- I need some freakin’ vegetables in my diet, a kid can’t live on cheese, chocolate and granola bars. Jalapenos are great, really, and yes, momma, they are vegetables but not the ONLY ones that exist.
- Stop trying to smoosh me. You can’t sit like that anymore and you definitely cannot sleep like that anymore.
- I’ll wake up and kick you whenever I darn well please. Just because YOU won’t get any exercise, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have to! Besides, how do I know it’s 4am? Like your uterus is this whole planetary system, containing a sun and moon? Tell you what, I’ll get on your schedule when you implement those upgrades.
- Stop trying to wake me up when I’m napping!! Daddy will feel me when I’m good and ready for him to. Back off!
- Your bladder gets in my way. Empty it more often and I won’t need to kick and shove it out of what precious, tiny space I do have.

Should you choose to not comply with these demands, I will continue my current reign of terror on “that nerve” in your back. You know of which I speak. The one that makes your entire left buttcheek hurt, all the way down to your thigh. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I have upped the ante. What was once simple compression of the nerve has become pinching, riding, pulling, biting and plucking like a guitar string. I have, once, even moved over to the right side, just to show you that what you were feeling was only HALF of what could be done.

Really, momma, this is only for your own good. I have tried my best to gently prod you in this direction, but you have refused to listen, therefore I must result to terrorism. I hate for it to be this way, momma, but you’ve left me no choice.

Love,
Benjamin

This Week in Pregnancy - Week 25

Head to heels, your baby now measures about 13 1/2 inches. His weight — a pound and a half — doesn’t sound like much, but he’s beginning to exchange his long, lean look for some baby fat. As he does, his wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and he’ll start to look more and more like a newborn. His hair is probably recognizable now (in color and texture), although both may change after he’s born.

Our Baby, the Blowfish

Cutest blowfish you ever did see! With the longest toes, ever. 1lb 10oz.

My Darling Husband is Old

March 11th was my darling husband’s 37th birthday. We didn’t do anything special, and he didn’t complain one moment about it. He didn’t even complain one moment about my pregnancy hormones.

I love you dearly, Eric. Happy birthday, old man.

This Week in Pregnancy - Week 24

Your baby’s growing steadily, gaining about a quarter of a pound since last week, when she was just over a pound. Since she’s almost a foot long, that makes a pretty lean figure, but her body is filling out proportionally and she’ll soon put on more baby fat. Your baby’s skin is thin, translucent, and wrinkled, her brain is growing rapidly, and her taste buds are developing. Her lungs are developing “branches” of the respiratory “tree” and cells that produce surfactant, a substance that helps the air sacs inflate easily.