Dearest mother of my future husband,

Please don’t ever call me your daughter again, it’s creepy. I am not your daughter and, at this rate, I never will be. The people I call family would never call me fat, unable to control myself, smelly, nor a gold-digger. We will be family by law, which makes me your son’s wife. Please, don’t let the word “daughter” be mentioned again, even if it’s followed by “in-law.”

Yes, my family does think (know) you’re horrible. They’ve heard everything you’ve said about and to me. It’s pretty clear to them that you can’t stand me. My mom is kind enough to say, “Poor her, bless her heart. She needs help.” Which translates to, “Crazy ass woman better be nicer to my daughter.” My dad just thinks you’re mean, insane and are deserving of a beating. I tend to agree.

The problem has never been with your husband, so the little comment, “see, he DOES want us to come to his wedding” is a load of crap. Of course we want his father to come to the wedding, we just don’t want YOU there. So, think of it as a blessing that we’re not having a wedding for you to come to. My fat, uncontrollable, smelly, gold-digging, and slightly ghetto family would be 2 inches away from your face, calling you on all the shit you’ve pulled. We may chase you around the block, shaking our big fat bellies at you and throwing fattening, white flour filled, homemade Mexican foods at your head. At the least you may end up with a black eye. As deserved as it may be, I don’t want to be cleaning blood up on my wedding day.

Hey, guess what, I’m pregnant. Know what else? You’d better not come within 10 miles of my baby until you get some serious therapy. Asking how many times you have to go before anyone considers you “healed” is proof you have no interest in getting better, and that you think it’s everyone’s fault but your own. IT’S NOT! It’s YOUR fault. Go deal with it or you will never see your grandchild. We’re already planning on sneaking your husband around so he can spend time with the baby because he’s wonderful. Shouldn’t that be a sign to you that SOMETHING is wrong with you?

Stop saying you’re powerless! You control EVERYTHING. Your husband can’t eat without you okaying it first. Your husband can barely walk through his own house. If you don’t get your way, you cry in a corner. You have taken over the entire house with your stuff. You have even invaded the one thing your husband had that was his own, his music, and completely ruined it. You are a powerhouse, and you know it, because you wouldn’t live with it any other way.

Apologizing is supposed to be a sign that you’re sorry. You do not apologize by giving reasons why you were right to say everything you said. That’s adding insult to injury. By the way, “I was having a bad day,” is not an excuse to scream whatever you want about someone. Also, screaming at the top of your lungs to “release stress” only causes everyone else in the household to absorb that stress. It’s not fair.

Speaking of the house, it has absorbed so many years of unhappy crap, that the entire house feels like you’re walking into a bowl of jello. The air is so thick, you can barely breathe. Everyone feels it but you. I couldn’t let my child into that environment. I think it may develop cancer on the spot.

I get that you’re crazy. I get that there’s probably a reason you’re crazy. I DO NOT think that makes you completely devoid of responsibility for your actions. I DO NOT think I, or anyone, should have to just “accept” your horrible remarks, actions and SCREAMING FOR NO REASON, just because you’re insane and refuse to get help. Your family may have done it for years, I won’t.

Lastly, dearest mother of my future husband, I don’t hate you. I just don’t like you. Stop pretending like I’m the perpetrator, because you don’t like me, either. This relationship is not what I expected my in law relationship to be, and I’m sure it’s not what you’ve wanted yours to be, but it is. You’ve made it pretty clear that no matter who your son married or was dating, you’d hate them. Learn to accept that and stop pretending like you’re mother in law of the year and your son’s future wife is just crazy. You have a real daughter that will, one day, help you gain another son. That will probably be much less traumatic for you. Hold out hope for that and back the hell up off of me.

Very sincerely not your daughter,
Your son’s future wife