This Week in Pregnancy - Week 13

 Your belly may soon be big enough to announce to the world that you’re expecting, but your baby is still tiny. In fact, he’s only about 3 inches long crown to rump — roughly the size of a jumbo shrimp — and weighs just about an ounce. Despite the small proportions, there’s a fully formed baby inside your womb now. Much more proportional than it was a few weeks ago, his head is now only about a third the size of his body. His tiny, unique fingerprints are already in place. His kidneys and urinary tract are functional, and he’s starting to urinate out the amniotic fluid he’s been swallowing. As you start your second trimester, most of your baby’s critical development will be completed, and your odds of miscarriage will drop considerably.

Dearest Mother of my Future Husband

Dearest mother of my future husband,

Please don’t ever call me your daughter again, it’s creepy. I am not your daughter and, at this rate, I never will be. The people I call family would never call me fat, unable to control myself, smelly, nor a gold-digger. We will be family by law, which makes me your son’s wife. Please, don’t let the word “daughter” be mentioned again, even if it’s followed by “in-law.”

Yes, my family does think (know) you’re horrible. They’ve heard everything you’ve said about and to me. It’s pretty clear to them that you can’t stand me. My mom is kind enough to say, “Poor her, bless her heart. She needs help.” Which translates to, “Crazy ass woman better be nicer to my daughter.” My dad just thinks you’re mean, insane and are deserving of a beating. I tend to agree.

The problem has never been with your husband, so the little comment, “see, he DOES want us to come to his wedding” is a load of crap. Of course we want his father to come to the wedding, we just don’t want YOU there. So, think of it as a blessing that we’re not having a wedding for you to come to. My fat, uncontrollable, smelly, gold-digging, and slightly ghetto family would be 2 inches away from your face, calling you on all the shit you’ve pulled. We may chase you around the block, shaking our big fat bellies at you and throwing fattening, white flour filled, homemade Mexican foods at your head. At the least you may end up with a black eye. As deserved as it may be, I don’t want to be cleaning blood up on my wedding day.

Hey, guess what, I’m pregnant. Know what else? You’d better not come within 10 miles of my baby until you get some serious therapy. Asking how many times you have to go before anyone considers you “healed” is proof you have no interest in getting better, and that you think it’s everyone’s fault but your own. IT’S NOT! It’s YOUR fault. Go deal with it or you will never see your grandchild. We’re already planning on sneaking your husband around so he can spend time with the baby because he’s wonderful. Shouldn’t that be a sign to you that SOMETHING is wrong with you?

Stop saying you’re powerless! You control EVERYTHING. Your husband can’t eat without you okaying it first. Your husband can barely walk through his own house. If you don’t get your way, you cry in a corner. You have taken over the entire house with your stuff. You have even invaded the one thing your husband had that was his own, his music, and completely ruined it. You are a powerhouse, and you know it, because you wouldn’t live with it any other way.

Apologizing is supposed to be a sign that you’re sorry. You do not apologize by giving reasons why you were right to say everything you said. That’s adding insult to injury. By the way, “I was having a bad day,” is not an excuse to scream whatever you want about someone. Also, screaming at the top of your lungs to “release stress” only causes everyone else in the household to absorb that stress. It’s not fair.

Speaking of the house, it has absorbed so many years of unhappy crap, that the entire house feels like you’re walking into a bowl of jello. The air is so thick, you can barely breathe. Everyone feels it but you. I couldn’t let my child into that environment. I think it may develop cancer on the spot.

I get that you’re crazy. I get that there’s probably a reason you’re crazy. I DO NOT think that makes you completely devoid of responsibility for your actions. I DO NOT think I, or anyone, should have to just “accept” your horrible remarks, actions and SCREAMING FOR NO REASON, just because you’re insane and refuse to get help. Your family may have done it for years, I won’t.

Lastly, dearest mother of my future husband, I don’t hate you. I just don’t like you. Stop pretending like I’m the perpetrator, because you don’t like me, either. This relationship is not what I expected my in law relationship to be, and I’m sure it’s not what you’ve wanted yours to be, but it is. You’ve made it pretty clear that no matter who your son married or was dating, you’d hate them. Learn to accept that and stop pretending like you’re mother in law of the year and your son’s future wife is just crazy. You have a real daughter that will, one day, help you gain another son. That will probably be much less traumatic for you. Hold out hope for that and back the hell up off of me.

Very sincerely not your daughter,
Your son’s future wife

Blizzard 2006 - Day 2

We’ve hit about 3.25 feet. Cars under 5 feet tall have disappeared into white mounds. Our garage is straining under about a foot and a half of collected snow on the roof. And me? I’m having cravings for disgusting cup’o'noodles and am snowed in. It’s so not fair.

Ways to Not Be a Jerk

Not being a jerk does not equal being “politically correct,” it means just not being a jerk.

State your opinion, but understand it is only an opinion. “Red shoes are the BEST for everyone.” Now, with tact: “I believe red shoes are the best.”

Having a strong opinion about something is awesome, pushing it on other people is not. “Everyone should wear red shoes, now.” Tact: “Red shoes are the best for me.”

Respecting someone else’s opinion is not a bad thing. “You’re wrong, blue shoes are for horrible people.” Tact: “I prefer red shoes, but I totally get that so many people love blue shoes.”

Being judgemental is not a mortal sin, but it’s still a pretty crappy thing to do. “Anyone who doesn’t wear red shoes doesn’t deserve to have feet.” Tact: “I’m a raging jerk for judging you because you haven’t chosen the same thing I have. I’m sorry.”

I must be hormonal because I’m getting more and more annoyed with people disregarding others thoughts and opinions. I don’t get why it’s so hard to just be nice.

Blizzard 2006

I am SO glad I have no where to go right now. The official total for our area is 26 inches. I think we’ve got a little more than that in our backyard.

The Ring

Eric got me the loveliest engagement ring. He’s so sweet. Family response?

My Mom: Congratulations! That’s great!
My Dad: Congratulations!!
His Dad: Congratulations!
His Mom: How exciting! She might hate me for the rest of her life, but I love her, she’s my daughter, *SCREECH*, and I trust someday something can be worked out.

Apparently, it’s all my fault because she’s totally willing to accept her fat, uncontrollable, smelly, gold-digging, future daughter in law. Totally.

I’ve Been Duped

Don’t get me wrong, I feel better. I’m not nauseous all day, most of the time. I’m not puking 2-3x a day. It’s great. However, I was told that, on the morning of week 12, I would wake up, refreshed, renewed, de-nauseated.

I didn’t.

I woke up, and puked in the middle of the night.

I feel much better now, and I’m praying that will be the “last puke of the season.” At this point, however, I’m convinced I’ll be going at it for the next 6 months. It’ll never let up again. Even after I have the child. I will be puking daily for the rest of my life.

This Week in Pregnancy - Week 12

Your baby’s hit the 2-inch mark (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce. Her face is beginning to look more human. Her eyes, which started out on the sides of her head, have moved closer together on her face, and her ears are near their final positions on the sides of her head. Your baby’s intestines, which have grown so rapidly that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into her abdominal cavity about now. Her kidneys are secreting urine into her bladder. Her nerve cells have been multiplying rapidly, and synapses (neurological pathways in the brain) are forming. Your baby may have acquired more reflexes by now, including sucking, and she’ll even squirm if you prod your abdomen, though you still won’t be able to feel her movement for several weeks.

This Week in Pregnancy - Week 11

Your fig-sized baby is now fully formed — measuring 1 1/2 inches long and weighing in at a quarter of an ounce. His skin is still transparent, allowing many of his blood vessels to show through. Some of his bones are beginning to harden, and tiny toothbuds are starting to appear under his gums. His fingers and toes have separated, and he may soon be able to open and close his fists. He’s already busy kicking and stretching, and his tiny movements are so fluid they look like water ballet. These movements will increase as his body grows and becomes more developed and functional. As his diaphragm develops, your tiny tenant may also start to get the hiccups. Because he’s still so small, though, you won’t feel any of his workouts or intrauterine gulps until sometime between weeks 16 and 20.

Symptom Check-in - Week 10

Well, this week has rocked. Seriously, rocked. I’ve never felt so not sick. I got to see my little one and I’m not quite as tired as I was. My face is looking slimmer, while my hips are beginning to stick out like a table…I guess I’m not entirely sure how I feel about that part.

I did, however, have three nights in a row this week where I awoke at 2:25am and yakked. I have no idea why, and it really came out of no where. Hasn’t happened since, though.