After a stroke scare, Pax (my dog) was diagnosed with (possible) old dog vestibular disease. If it is, it should clear up in the next 3 days to 3 weeks, otherwise, it’s a brain tumor. We’re hoping against hope that it’s CVD, but it’s still up in the air and the symptoms are completely scary.

He’s miserable and I’m scared to death he won’t be around to meet my baby. I can’t imagine being without him, he’s been with me since I was 10 years old. Please keep him in your thoughts.

Eric’s mother hates me. She hates everyone, so it’s not a big insult, it’s just not something I’m used to. I generally get along with moms pretty well, and have never been disliked by any friends or boyfriends families. Eric’s mother, however, is a whole other story. In the past two years, and 5 times I have seen her, these are a few of my favorite gems of joy that have come out of her mouth about me.

• “You may want to air yourself out on the way to the concert. Some singers have allergies to such strong perfumes.”
• (To Eric’s dad, screaming in the most hateful tone I’ve ever heard) “And that girlfriend of his…SHE’S FAT! And he’s just making her fatter by feeding her all that junk!”
• (In response to my hearing her) “You don’t understand, I was having a bad day. Besides, I’m worried about your health. I had a bad day, better out than in!”
• “I guess I’m not going to see Jessica again until I get therapy and am perfect.”
• (To Eric, regarding our house - I’m paraphrasing here, because I’m not entirely sure exactly what was said) “I spoke to a lawyer friend about what your options would be if you and Jessica split up. He can talk to you about them when he drops by tomorrow.”

She’s also convinced Eric has suddenly taken up smoking weed . WEED! The man who gets angry about people smoking outside of a door because he’s afraid it might give him lung cancer. She suddenly thinks this when he’s dating me. Coincidence?

Needless to say, at this point, I’m seriously considering not allowing her to come within 100 feet of this child. She’s already not allowed to come near my family because I’m afraid I’d deck her if she said anything even remotely snide to my loved ones.

It’s a little sad, but because of her, I’ve decided not to have a wedding when Eric and I get married. I don’t want to deal with her response when she is not (and she really would not be, under any circumstances) invited, and I don’t want to give her any more leverage to keep Eric’s dad away from him. My parents got married at a courthouse, I guess I can, too.

A whole other issue is dealing with his father, who is a wonderful man. He’s so sweet and kind. He’s got a good heart. His mom, however, rules the roost and I’m not sure how I can have my child enjoy a lot of time with his grandfather (which would be nothing but really good), and stay miles away from Eric’s mother at the same time. Despite how she feels about me, she’s far from a child friendly person. Her reactions and responses to things are so scary, I can’t imagine subjecting a baby to these things. Then, as the baby grows, I can’t imagine what she’ll say to it if it’s overweight, or if she’s unhappy with me that day. Not to mention the energy surrounding her. You can feel it from a mile away, even if you’re not a new age hippy freak like me.

I feel like I’d be a shitty mom to let my child be around that, and that sucks.

I got a whole load of books on Thursday from Amazon and eBay. Including “The Pregnancy Book”, “The Birth Book”, “The Baby Book”, & “The Breastfeeing Book” by the Sears clan. Also, “The BabyCenter Essential Guide to Pregnancy and Birth”, “Baby 411″, and “The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy.” I decided to dive into the latter first. So on Friday I began “The Girlfriends Guide,” and finished it an hour ago.

Halfway through the first chapter, I began to notice a slight tinge of “I can’t stand this woman” entering my brain. Everything felt very snide. By the end of the third chapter, I knew I hated her. She equates being overweight with being ugly, makes it very clear your husband will NEVER find you attractive again, and acts as if pregnant women are the most disgusting looking women on earth, we are lucky people look at us without retching.

The first 11.5 chapters are an entire waste of time, they’re all about how fat and disgusting you will get - I say 11.5 because, somewhere in the 12th chapter, she almost begins to sound human and starts lending out useful “girlfriend” information. I can sum up the first chapters for you, so as to save you the time and energy. “Oh my God, like, you’re going to get so fat! You’re going to be so gross! You’re going to waddle and look disgusting! Your entire pregnancy should be focused on how you’re going to get rid of the fatness when you have the baby. Never forget, your husband thinks you’re disgusting, don’t even try to have sex with him. In fact, everyone thinks you’re disgusting…and you are! You’re fat and ugly!”

After that, the last few chapters are actually worth the read. She obsesses less about how ugly and fat we all are, and gives more usefull information. Information you want to hear, in a clear, concise, and oddly warm manner. The last few chapters were worth reading to the end, the first 11 just made me self-conscious, angry and annoyed. Maybe it’s hormones, but I doubt it. If any “girlfriend” ever spoke to me the way this woman speaks to her audience in this book, I would never call her a friend again. In fact, I might go so far as to banish her from ever entering within 50 feet of my big, fat, pregnant ass, for fear of wanting to take her head of with my big, fat, cellulite covered thigh.

Of course, you can’t really take this woman too seriously. I mean, for being so self absorbed, she recommends wearing stirrup leggings with boots to “cover your fat ankles.” I don’t care how fat my ankles are, there’s nothing on God’s green earth that could ever make me wear stirrup leggings, nevertheless with boots. Yikes!

This week has been the worst, thus far. Just the thought of things can make me nauseous. In fact, we were in the car on Thursday and I’d just imagined licking a lemon. My face suddenly self-contorted into the sour face, as if I really had just licked it. I was once able to watch the most disgusting of horror scenes in movies. Now, they make me nauseous. I was also once able to watch baby wipe commercials without sobbing like an infant, no longer! It really makes you feel like you’re going insane. I can’t imagine lasting another 5 weeks (or, God forbid, more) feeling like this.